Category Archives: thoughts

Marty suggested this post

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It’s 11:20 p.m Monday night and we are leaving the house at 7:45 in the morning to take a young lady to the bus stop in Jackson.  Marty asked if I had my blog post ready, I was in the middle of sewing the quilt that I’ve been working on for 40 forevers, ok, 3 months, and I couldn’t think of anything.  I asked that he make suggestions, thinking he would suggest my views on postmodern theology, social welfare, or if generic diapers really are as good as name brand (the answer to that is, depends on the store, walmart bad, kroger good), things that I’m an expert on, you know (ha,ha).  Instead he said, the reasons you love me, to which I almost spit out my decaf coffee, then he said do a 2 part series about the 5 things you love/hate about being a pastor’s wife.  I chose the lesser of 2 evils.

Living with Marty Estes has never been easy, which quite honestly I’ve probably been too vocal about.  I don’t know what I expected, but often times this hasn’t been it.  We probably should have waited 6 months to get married, given him 6 months in the ministry to figure it out instead of jumping into 2 things at the same time.  But I think if we’d waited, he wouldn’t be in ministry.  He would have gone on to get his master’s in education and he’d be teaching.  Which he would have been excellent at, but not called to.  And that is one of the things I love about Marty, his calling.  I love youth ministry.  I love that lives change and God allows me to be a part of it.  I love that Marty is passionate about it, I love that he has never stopped learning or trying to be better at what he’s called to do.  I know that God has called him to this or 9 years ago we’d have been out.  I love him for persevering.  I love that he desires to see students’ lives change through a relationship with Christ.  I love that his philosophy is not “Let’s give them a little Jesus along with our fun, but let’s be on mission for Christ and have fun while we’re doing it.”

Marty’s been called a lot of things in 9.5 years.  Some good, some bad, some true, some not.  One thing I will always call him is a great daddy.  He loves spending time with our kids.  That’s part of the reason we felt God was telling us to homeschool.  We know that ministry is tough on kids, we have games to attend, Bible studies to have, programs to plan, camps to organize, and Sundays are definitely not family days, a lot of that is done during times our kids would be home from school and our attention would be devoted elsewhere.  Marty loves to get in the floor and have the Rescue-bots help to rebuild the Sawmeal so we can return for our pizza sticks and chicken fingers!  And he executes much better “My Little Pony” story lines than I could, he knows all their names, whereas a lot of time I just throw together to cutesy sounding words and hope they work!  He wasn’t so sure about having a child, let alone two!  But I don’t think he’d trade it now for anything.

Yes, he gets on my nerves when we’ve spent too much time together, of course there are things I say I would change, but he truly is my best friend.  He’s the one I call when I’m upset, he’s the one I run to when I’m scared, he’s the one I scream at when I’m frustrated (it’s not always about him), he’s the one who is always thinking of me. I remember my dad saying when we were just starting out, that I sure must like him because he made me laugh like nobody else.  And he still does.

I love you, Marty.

(I bet you didn’t think I’d do it!)

Lessons From a Dance Class

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Again I apologize for the lack of posting, but sleeping til 9, getting up to make breakfast, lounging in pjs and playing video games just took precedence.

A couple of months ago during fall break I got to take Annaliese to dance class.  Marty usually does that because I work every afternoon.  I was so excited because there was the promise of getting to see what Annaliese was learning; the fruits of her labor.  Jennifer was so gracious to let me watch even though she hadn’t really planned on it.

I took my seat and pulled out my phone, all eyes on my baby girl.  As I was watching I began to notice some things.  First of all my daughter has my rhythm, bless her heart, but secondly, there is a lot to be learned from dance class.

1.  If you take your eyes off the leader, you will mess up.  The girls did pretty good as long as their focus was on the right spot.  If it wandered to the wall, a spot on the floor, or the person beside them, they were going to mess up.  They might stumble, they might get behind, they might run into the person beside them.  In my life, if I take my eyes off what guides me, I will mess up, I will stumble, I will get behind, I might even hurt the person next to me.  That’s why we have to have a relationship with the leader as well.  Those girls trust Jennifer, they know she will not lead them down the wrong path.  It’s not about the rules, it’s about the trust they have in her.  Sometimes I wish my faith were a list of rules, but it’s not, it’s a relationship.  I have to trust that God and His word will not lead me down the wrong path.  I am a fallible person, I’m going to screw up.   Jesus said the most important things are to Love God with all our hearts and to love our neighbors as ourselves, that all of the law was summed up into those two things.  It’s not a list of rules, it’s relationship.  When we have the relationship, we’ll know what we’re supposed to do.  Just like Marty and I and the other parents encourage our girls to listen to Mrs. Jennifer and trust her, we have to do the same with others in our faith.  Encourage the relationship, make disciples.

2. You cannot focus on the faults of the person next to you.  Yep, that one hit home.  Annaliese did pretty good, but there was one girl next to her who was very concerned with what everyone else was doing.  Her eyes got off Mrs. Jennifer, and she ended up having to be corrected… a lot.  Now, I know that we are supposed to help those along the path with us, but sometimes we focus on their faults instead of what we’re supposed to be doing.  Just like this little girl, we get so concentrated on the others that we don’t see what we’re doing.

3.  Sometimes you have to freeze so you can refocus.  There were a couple of times that the girls just got too distracted and Jennifer would say, “Freeze.”  The ballerinas knew that this was a time to stop and refocus.  This was made clear to me last night, I came in from my first afternoon back to work, dropped off some kids, listened to their mother vent 15 minutes about life, picked up PePe’s pizza, and ate quickly so that Marty could get to Bible Study.  The kids wanted to play a game that involves me doing a lot of set up.  They began to argue about the pieces, whose turn it was, and were making the noises of the video game it’s based on…I wanted to scream!  So I put them in the bath, poured in some bubbles (thanks Mimi for the stocking stuffers!), shut the curtain and pulled out my Kindle.  I needed to freeze.  I needed the 20 minutes of letting my mind refocus and calm down.  I never understood that about my mom, but now I totally get it.  The noise and distraction had just gotten to be too much.

We’ve done a retreat twice with our youth ministry called Enjoy the Silence.  We go to a remote cabin, with no cell service, we don’t take video games or tvs or electronics and we have 2 days of silence.  Marty teaches, we have reflections, the youth worship through singing, art, prayer walks.  It is the best thing ever, and I always come back refreshed, refocused.  We need times of silence in our lives in order to refocus on the important things, and most importantly, not go insane!

4.  It’s good to come together for encouragement.  At the end of class the girls all come together and Jennifer gives them a sucker, gives them positive reinforcement, and they put their hands in and say, “1,2,3 Princess Snakes!”  Don’t ask, I don’t know where it came from.  But, Annaliese loves it!  She loves those girls, and she longs for Thursdays at 3:30.

When I was younger, I totally didn’t get the need for church involvement, I mean, I was involved!  My dad took me to Father/son work days at church because I was the oldest of 3 girls.  Seriously.  If the doors were open, the Foleys were there.   I totally get it now.  If I didn’t have my church family, I’d be lost.  I need that time together, I need encouragement, I need positive reinforcement (even if it hurts sometimes).  I need these people to be my family, my friends, my community.  That’s what we’re supposed to be. Now, I just think we need a really cool chant.

1,2,3 Baptist Buffaloes anyone?

Plastic gifts

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I’m done with Christmas shopping, for the most part anyway.  Marty got his present in October.  (Thank you apple for always introducing a new phone/gadget/idevice) The kids were done in pretty much one fell swoop.  My parents and siblings are not doing gifts, (praise the Lord!)  David and Marylin, Marty’s parents have been bought for, the kids friends also down in one fell swoop (you’re all getting the same thing!)  I do have to buy for our Sunday School party but I have an idea for that.

I love Christmas, I love the lights, the music, the food, the smells, the attitude of cheer and goodwill.  I love the cold weather and the hopes of a white Christmas.  (Isaac was convinced that it was Christmas the other day when it snowed, “we should open presents mom!”) I love the Christmas specials, Charlie Brown, Frosty, the one with the heat miser, Rudolph, ELF, It’s a wonderful life. I love the message of hope, in the baby born to live a perfect life, show us the right path, and die so that we may live.

But, I hate the gifts.  I know, I know, I’m a spoilsport.  I just hate shopping, trying to find something they will like, seeing the disappointment if they don’t.  I hate the idea of a list, and this is what we must have to have a good Christmas.  I’m not a gifts person.  I don’t need stuff.  We do Santa.  I don’t have a problem with the guy in red, I have a problem with the fact that he takes the place (and the characteristics) of Jesus for the month of December for a lot of people.  I never felt lied to growing up, I don’t have trouble believing in God because I found out my parents were Santa.  And, I totally respect you if you don’t do Santa.  It takes all kinds.

It’s something we talked about, still talk about at our house.  Santa, gifts, the meaning of Christmas.

At our house, Christmas was a big deal, we didn’t get a lot of toys except Christmas and birthdays, and then what we got was limited.  One big Santa gift, and a few things from our parents-usually there were some clothes thrown in there.  And of course I think that’s how things should be done, because that’s my experience.  Marty was raised completely different.  He got toys all the time and Christmas was just that times 10 (I’m totally going by the way he describes it, I don’t really know).  It’s been a struggle.

Last year with our kids, they got 3 gifts plus a stocking.  I really liked that.  They get way more from grandparents than from us, plus aunts and uncle, plus friends, plus goodie bags, teacher gifts…..and the list goes on.  And they are at the age that every gift is of equal value: the pencil in their goodie bag is equal to the Santa present.  But, it’s just too much.

I struggle with the fact that we are the richest country in the world.  That because I have food, clothes, a home to sleep in, and running water I am among the richest 8% in the world.  And my daughter is getting $50 worth of plastic ponies. My husband has every iDevice out. My son has more Mario’s that we can count.  I can watch pretty much any movie I want any time I want with Netflix and cable tv.  We give, we tithe, we make donations to world hunger, we give to Lottie Moon Christmas offering, we bought gifts for the angel tree and made shoe boxes of Operation Christmas Child.  We live pretty frugally, I buy my clothes at goodwill (only on the first saturday of the month), we try to only eat out once a week, I shop with coupons.  But my daughter has a full belly and a room full of ponies and there are children in Romania who are digging in the trash, babies in China who need parents, and kids in America who won’t eat this Christmas because there’s no school open to feed them.  I need to remember that what I claim is mine, isn’t really.

So back to gifts, I think next year, I want to only buy gifts that do good.  Gifts that when you buy them they allow teenage girls in Romania to go to high school and give them a reason not to have a baby at 15.  Gifts that provide an income for men and women rescued from the sex trade. Gifts that support a local business in your hometown. Gifts that feed hungry mouths in Africa for a month.

What’s going to last, a life or a plastic pony?

If you’re still shopping check out:

http://beliefinmotion.org/Cherechiu.aspx  - these are the missionaries in Romania that our church partnered with in 2010 and Lacey Hampton (one of our college students) spent a month with last summer.

http://hello-somebody.com/

http://www.worldcraftsvillage.com/

https://secure1.heifer.org/gift-catalog

http://freesetglobal.com/
(we’ve bought these bags before for our graduating seniors – love them!)

 

Mine!

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Sometime between Friday and Monday morning, this site was hacked.  It wasn’t a malicious hack, I guess.  The only thing that happened was a redirect in the script that pointed this site to a page that said “Nouse was here!!!”.  It happens to tons of other sites, as you can see by a Google search, but even that fact wasn’t enough to make me feel better.  I was pretty ticked.

I spent the better part of yesterday trying to fix it.

This involved me logging into my accounts on both GoDaddy and Bluehost, trying to figure out what I could do to make it work.  10 hours later and a lot of fussing, my site was back up, and I was worn out with it.  But still, something bothered me.

See, this site is mine.  Well, actually, it’s now mine and Erin’s.  This is a place we come to talk about our life; to share, vent, console, encourage.  In the last few days, someone thought it would be a good idea to take down a blog that gets just about 100 hits per day (on a good day).  What’s the sense in that?  Why even bother?  Because you get your jollies from bothering other people?  Pathetic.

I really hope that one day your “work” leaves a trail right back to you that gets you taken down and arrested.  I know there are more people like you out there, but just because they are out there doesn’t mean it’s right, or that you have to be like them.  Because of this intrusion I felt violated and unsafe, and I would never wish that on my worst enemy.  It’s a very unsettling feeling.

So, things are back to normal….for now.  Erin will post something tomorrow.  Thanks for sticking with us during the downtime.

Saying Goodbye

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In 9 and a half years of ministry in one church we’ve said goodbye a lot of times to a lot of people.  And that’s a hard thing to do, whatever the situation.  When you’ve poured yourself into people, loved them, called them family, anytime they’re no longer with you it’s hard.

Sometimes people leave for good reasons, situations that bring joy along with the sadness. Every time a group leaves for college, a piece of me mourns for them as I am rejoicing that they are following God’s plan for their life.  We’ve had 2 families leave because God has called them into ministry, celebrating mixed in with the sadness.  We’ve had people leave to join our Father in their eternal home, unbearable loss it feels but also ultimate joy that they are with their creator and there is no more pain, cancer, age, sickness, sadness……

Sometimes people leave because they get mad, hurt, frustrated, scared, and the list goes on.  I’m not gonna lie and say that I haven’t been all those things.

We sing a song at our church, I’m so glad I’m a part of the family of God.  And yes, we’re singing about being in the universal family of God, we’re also singing about being in the local body God has placed us in.  The family of God.

We don’t abandon our family when the going gets tough.  We pull together and fight for our family.  You don’t get a divorce over burnt toast or the color of the carpet, you talk it out and let the Lord bring you together in unity.

When a family member leaves because God told them to, there is sadness, but God fills that emptiness.  When they leave and there is emptiness that’s not filled, it feels like a divorce.  You know that feeling when you see somebody in town and you’re not sure if you should talk to them or not so you just try to avoid eye contact, you drive by their house and cry. Yeah, these things should not happen in the family of God.

So what do we do?  We try to work it out, with God in the lead.  We follow the example of scripture.  If it’s sin, we go to them and confront them, pray with them, encourage them on the right path and hope that they will turn back to God.  If it is a disagreement, then go to that person, speak to them in love, they may not realize they’ve done anything wrong.  Give them a chance to apologize and make amends.  If they do, then we have to forgive them.  Do you know scripture says that our own sins will not be forgiven? (Mk 11:25, Matt. 6:14-15)  I don’t know about you but I need my sins forgiven!  Jesus also said we forgive them 70 x 7 times, which is basically saying infinitely.   How many times do we forgive our children? our spouses? our parents? siblings?  Should the same not be with our church families?

I’m not perfect, I’m gonna screw up, I need grace.  I’m part of a family that’s not perfect, that’s gonna screw up, that needs grace.  And I bet the same could be said for each one of you.

Let’s be faithful to our families.  To bear with, to forgive, to forget, to encourage one another for righteousness sake, to be unified with.  It’s never going to get better unless we work together.  And I’m pointing all 5 fingers at myself.  I’m guilty.

And I’m not even going to get into leaving the church because another one is better.  That’s just wrong.  It’s not a competition, we should be working together to bring those who don’t know Christ into the body, not competing to get saints to switch sides.  And I am speaking to myself here, I have such a competitive nature, I want to be the best, doing the most, and attracting everyone.  And I’m wrong in that.  Will you forgive me?

Simmering

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I know, I know, it’s my day and I’m an hour and a half late.

I honestly had no clue what I was going to write about.

Then something happened last night, and it stirred emotions in me.

Emotions that quite frankly I can’t put into words right now.

I went to bed with my feelings last night because I don’t know what to do.

I don’t want to make the situation worse, but I don’t know what better is.

I’m going to ruminate a little more and I’m sure you’ll see a post later, possibly even later today.

A few words about “Xmas”

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(I originally posted this blog last year around Christmastime, and actually the year before that,  but I thought it was still pretty relevant, so I decided to share it again.  I hope it makes you think.  Merry Christmas!)


I’m probably going to make some folks mad with this post.

I realize this early on, and I take full responsibility for it. But, part of doing what I do is calling it like I see it, even when the truth isn’t sexy (thank you, Derek Webb). By now, if you’re like me, most of your Christmas shopping is done, presents are wrapped underneath the tree, and you’re just ready for the whole thing to be over with. Well, except for that last part. Part of why I feel the way about what I want to write about today is the fundamental shift that has occurred in my life over the last few years regarding Christmas, and what it really means. Christmas is the celebration of the birth of our Savior, my Savior, Jesus Christ. It is about how God came to earth in the flesh to ransom the souls of men by breaking the power of sin. Over the last few years, the full gravity of this has come to bear on me, and I have wrestled with it, trying to justify selfishness over the message of the tiny baby in a manger. Guess what? I lost.

Yesterday, as I was leaving the house to go to church, I noticed a sign in my neighbors yard which simply says “We say Merry CHRISTmas.” I shook my head at it and continued on, but later I learned the origin of those signs. Our local high school is selling them to fund their Project Graduation. This bothers me on so many levels. Not just because the name of Christ is being used as a commodity to pay for inflatable games and pizza, but because it also fans the flames of those who loudly declare “CHRISTmas” instead of “Xmas” or “Happy Holidays”. This is wrong, and I want to explain why.

A few years ago, I first noticed the hubbub in the news because some national chain stores had stopped using “Merry Christmas” in their advertising and were instead using “Happy Holidays”. The opponents of this used, “It takes Christ out of Christmas!”, as their main argument. That’s an understandable argument. But, to assume that Christ has been taken out of Christmas just because one department store or another chooses to say “Happy Holidays” or “Xmas” is a huge leap into false logic. In fact, a better argument might be that these corporations, and us to a larger extent, have taken Christ out of Christmas by the way we’ve turned the celebration of the birth of  the Christchild into a consumeristic bloodbath to get the best deals on the most stuff so we can all fake happiness a few more days. If anyone, ANYONE, is to blame for taking Christ out of Christmas, it’s anyone who chases stuff more than Jesus during this time of year. People lined up at our local Walmart at 11:00 p.m. the night before Black Friday……when is the last time you saw someone line up outside the doors of the church on Saturday night because they couldn’t wait to worship?

It bothers me so much that some people want to hold the name of Jesus high during the holidays, screaming “It’s CHRISTmas!”, but the rest of the year everything else seems to be more important. I think the best way Christmas is declared is by a life that is thankful for Jesus year round, not just one month, or one day. Let me break it down even further….

The symbol that I used at the top of this post is called a labarum, or the Chi-Rho. It is a symbol that is used in churches, and represents Christ. Chi is the pronunciation for the Greek letter “X”. The “X” in Xmas is from the Greek letter Chi, which is the first letter of Χριστός, Christ in Greek. So, the first letter of Christ, when used in Xmas, is actually correct! Now, we can argue that there is some kind of agenda against Christmas, but the agenda isn’t with the church! It’s outside, in the consumer-driven holiday that we’ve allowed ourselves to create! I don’t understand why we think that corporations like Target, Walmart, Best Buy, or whoever, have to say “Christmas” when the rest of the year they don’t exhibit qualities of being a so-called “Christian” business. We can’t expect non-believers to act like believers. That only comes from a renewed mind and a regenerated heart.

As for the signs, we’ve turned Christ into a nothing more than a material thing. A name that’s bought and sold. And in doing so, we continue the feed the consumerist monster, only this time we give him the Messiah to snack on. In the long run, does it really matter, what we say? We can say Christmas/Xmas/Merry/Happy/whatever, but do our lives reflect that the child in the manger has changed anything about us? Do we only celebrate CHRIST in this month, or is he capital letters in our life all the time? I want to leave you with this except from an article on the secularization of Christmas, and the wisdom of C. S. Lewis:

In the early 20th century, Christian writers such as C. S. Lewis had already noted a distinct split between the religious and secular observance of Christmas. In Xmas and Christmas: A Lost Chapter from Herodotus, Lewis gives a satire of the observance of two simultaneous holidays in “Niatirb” (Britain backwards) from the supposed view of the Greek historian and traveller. One, “Exmas”, is observed by a flurry of compulsory commercial activity and expensive indulgence in alcoholic beverages. The other, “Crissmas,” is observed in Niatirb’s temples. Lewis’s narrator asks a priest why they kept Crissmas on the same day as Exmas. He receives the reply:

“It is not lawful, O Stranger, for us to change the date of Crissmas, but would that Zeus would put it into the minds of the Niatirbians to keep Exmas at some other time or not to keep it at all. For Exmas and the Rush distract the minds even of the few from sacred things. And we indeed are glad that men should make merry at Crissmas; but in Exmas there is no merriment left.” And when I asked him why they endured the Rush, he replied, “It is, O Stranger, a racket… “[64]

Merry Christmas everyone….let it be in our hearts as it is in our words.

Since Last We Met

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Wow.  Let me blow the dust off this page and try to assemble some coherent thoughts.  It’s been awhile since we last saw each other, and a lot has happened  Here’s a rundown of what’s been going on with the Estes’ lately:

1.  Thanksgiving – We have Thanksgiving in two places, Marty’s parents and Erin’s parents.  So, that means double the tryptophan, double the noisy dinner tables, and double the calories.  It also means lots of awkward family moments and plenty of rest.  So, all in all it was great.

One year at Thanksgiving, when I was about 8, I was having a particularly hard time with my asthma.  I was coughing hard, and often, and didn’t feel like eating.  So, when time came to get in line and get my food, I just put a roll on my plate and went to the table.  My Aunt Betty thinks this is hilarious, and in almost 23 years since then, not one Thanksgiving has passed where she has not brought it up in conversation.  This year was no different.

“Do you all remember that time all Marty ate was a roll for Thanksgiving?!”

Yes, Betty.  We ALL remember.  You’ve made it clear.

But, hey, there was chocolate pie, fried turkey, dressing, mac and cheese, and all other kinds of good stuff, so it’s hard to be upset when your penance for eating all that good stuff is that you have to hear the roll story again.

2.  Christmas decorations – We put them up early so that we could enjoy them.  We are pretty busy during December so if we waited it would never get done.  I like decorating for Christmas, just not outside.  So, we have two trees, and some knick knacks spread around.  By spread around, I mean that the kids will not leave them alone and we find all kinds of Christmas-y goodies left all over the house.  Thanks, kids.

3.  Important video games came out – Zelda: Skyward Sword and Mario Kart 7 came out within the past 3 weeks.  That should sufficiently explain my lack of blogging time.

These are just a few things that we’ve been dealing with.  All good things.  All family things.  And really, I’d much rather spend family time than spend blog time.  Check back tomorrow for a new post from Erin.

Letting the Bomb Drop

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This post could have been a part of the last post I wrote, but I feel a long one coming on.

We have decided to homeschool.  Lots of you who read this already know this, but some don’t.  Like, I’m not sure Marty’s told his parents (sorry Marylin!)

My homeschooling journey began the day Isaac was born and I was sure that I would never want that baby out of my arms, much less my sight.  Marty was adamantly opposed.  He thought homeschool kids were weird, antisocial, and out of touch.  And, let’s  just be honest, some are, just as the same can be said for any child in any situation.  But, it was out of the question according to him, and I let it die.

Then, our surprise gift from God, Annaliese came into the world 14 months later and I determined that I could never homeschool two kids that close together and then Isaac’s stubborn, perfectionist personality came out (hmm, wonder where he gets that?) and I knew I could never homeschool him!  Honestly, I never really thought about it.  Yeah, from time to time one of the teenagers would say something about school and I would reply, “And that’s why I want to homeschool!”, but I was never really serious.

Then…..

A year ago Marty began an intense coaching program with one of the brightest youth ministry minds in the country and 10 other youth pastors from all over the southeast. It was the best thing that ever happened to him. At the same time Isaac started preschool 2 days a week, and absolutely loved it, loved being around other kids, loved learning, and loved playing in nasty playground rocks every day. I thought, “This is perfect, he loves school, it’s going to be no problem sending him to kindergarten.” So, as Marty begins his coaching network, we think that we have life planned out.

Then he reads a book called Teen 2.0, by Dr. Robert Epstein.  I would recommend it, but honestly the sheer size of it has deterred me from reading it!  But basically the author describes that teens are now radically different from the days of our parents, and in some ways this is good, but some not so great.  For instance, 100 years ago adolescence lasted about 2 years, now it lasts from as young as 8 in some girls to as late as 27 in some boys.  WHAT!?!  Even my sleep deprived brain could see that this was a problem.  The author advocated homeschooling because children’s brains need the increased responsibility and conversation with adults that this would afford.  Can it be done other ways?  Most definitely, I wasn’t homeschooled, and I definitely feel like I went into adulthood pretty responsible.

So we discussed it.  We said we’d pray about it, I don’t think I really did, because, like I said, I was happy with the status quo.  Especially when Annaliese started preschool as well, I loved my Mondays and Wednesdays free!  I could have a quiet time, that was actually quiet!  I could do laundry without someone “helping,” it was me time, and it was good!

But God began to put people in my path who homeschool.  People at my parent’s church, a new friend whose husband is in the ministry, and who am I kidding, I love the Duggars!  And then I began getting hit with scripture, the Shema (Deuteronomy 6:4-9) and Proverbs 22:6 in particular.  And frankly I began hearing things that I didn’t like, “You have to deprogram them when they come home,” and “The school atmosphere breeds a certain attitude,” and, in the past year 2 of our teenagers have been in bullying situations. Finally I consented to pray, and I actually did.  I began to talk with Marty about it, and we listed all the good things: Fridays off (Marty’s off most Friday’s so this was a definite plus!), flexibility, vacations can now be field trips, knowing what my children will be taught, teaching them things they will actually use (Algebra 2 anyone?).  We want them to have a healthy view of ministry: what it looks like, ways they can minister as young children, and homeschool will afford all of that.  Of course there are negatives as well…..socialization? My husband is a youth and children’s pastor we are ALWAYS around kids. Always. That wasn’t an issue.  So, then it boiled down to the opinions of others.

We don’t think that the school system where we live is terrible, quite the opposite actually, some of the smartest graduates I know have come out of this system.  We don’t think we’re better than anyone else, again I am confident I can’t do this alone.  We don’t want to separate our children from the rest of the world, we just want to teach them our values before everyone else gets too.  (Again, I know you can do this in the public school system, but how much easier will it be to not have to fight what we don’t believe is truth.)  Will we have problems?  Sure.  Is it going to be permanent?  Who knows.  Is it what is best for our children?  We think so.

What Lilo and Stitch taught me about church

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About a week or so ago, we took the kids (along with three grandparents in tow) to see Disney on Ice.  You know what that is, right?  If you don’t, let me educate you in a few seconds: skaters dress up like your favorite Disney characters and skate around.  Sometimes they do tricks, but mostly, they condense some popular Disney movies into a 15 minute timeframe and tell the story.  It was a bit repetitive, but my kids were LOCKED IN.  Well, while they weren’t cramming their faces full of nachos, popcorn, and lemonade…(thanks Pepaw!  No, seriously, thank you for the food.  I was starving.)

Anyway, of course there was Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Minnie, and Donald, but they also told the stories of The Lion King, Lilo and Stitch, The Little Mermaid, and Peter Pan.  My kids are familiar with most of those, but they had never been exposed to Lilo and Stitch.  Of course, they wanted to watch it immediately.  So, last night (how’s that for timeliness?) we busted out the movie and sat down to watch it after dinner.  I saw it when it came out in theaters, but it’s been so long that I’d forgotten about it, honestly, and forgotten just how much I love it.

Lilo and Stitch is the story of an alien inventor who is on trial by the Galactic Federation for illegally creating Experiment 626, who we come to find out is Stitch.  He is indestructible and programmed to destroy, and though cute and cuddly, he is ferocious.  He escapes and somehow winds up on Earth, where he is mistaken for a dead dog and taken to the kennel.  He awakes and is bought by Lilo, who is a little girl who has no friends because of her rambunctious and sometimes strange mannerisms and personality.  She lives with her sister Nani because their parents are dead.  From there, the story unfolds into a tale about finding true family, and what it means to belong and feel loved.

The classic line from the movie is “Ohana”, which Lilo tells her sister means “family, and family means nobody gets left behind….or forgotten.”  As I watched the movie last night, the thought came into my mind about whether or not ohana exists today in the body of Christ.  If ohana means what it does, that we are family and no one gets left behind or forgotten, how are we doing as a church when it comes to the concept of family?

The movie teaches that love comes in lots of shapes and sizes.  Lilo is annoying, doesn’t listen, and is obsessed with Elvis.  Stitch is a furry alien with 4 arms and a penchant for eating couch cushions.  Nani is overworked and frustrated with life, Lilo, and herself.  All of the characters in this movie have multiple issues they are working through.

Is this like our churches?  NEWS FLASH: everyone in our congregations are dealing with multiple issues, and most are scared to reveal them because they are afraid that they won’t fit into the “family”.  Too often we make the church family conditional instead of showing the same unconditional love that Christ shows to us.  We let the Lilo’s, Stitch’s, and Nani’s fall through the cracks because getting into those situations is messy, and often we don’t deal with messy people without getting some of that mess on ourselves.

But that is the beauty of discipleship!  Jesus didn’t tell us that he came into the world to stay clean….he came into this world to reach the lost!  That’s why he ate with sinners and tax collectors.  That’s why he constantly was surrounded by people.  That’s why he touched the unclean.  Do you honestly think that at the end of the day that Jesus didn’t have a little physical and relational dirt on him?

If we apply the concept of ohana to our churches, then all people are on a level playing field.  No one gets left behind.  No one is forgotten.  No one is more important because they’ve been there longer, or are a deacon, or because they give a bunch.  And the single mom with 3 kids from different daddy’s is the same as the preened and proper gentlemen in the 3 piece suit that he’s worn for 40 years.

Because no one gets forgotten
Because no one gets left behind.
The playing field is level at the foot of the cross.
The way Jesus intended it to be.

Does your church have “ohana?”