Category Archives: faith

Housefull

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Last night, we packed over 35 people into our house for a Superbowl party.  Have you ever seen the inside of my house?  If so, then you know this was a superhuman feat.  Our living room is basically a large rectangle.  It only has one practical place to put a television, one practical place to put a couch…you get the picture.  Yet, somehow we had 35 teens and 6 adults in the place.

It was hot.
Loud.
Stinky at times.

But I wouldn’t have it any other way.  In fact, those words pretty accurately represent my vision of community.  And when I say community, I want you to know that I don’t just mean a group of people living together in one area, I’m talking about people who get into each others lives and get messy with the details.  That’s the kind of community I mean.  It’s the kind of community where it’s uncomfortable sometimes, it gets loud, and sometimes it’s not just pleasant smells and sights and sounds.  It’s the kind of community that jams all types of lives together in one room to watch grown men slam into each other for the right to be called champions.

It’s eating too many chicken wings, laughing at commercials, and meeting new friends.  It’s five people piled on a recliner.  It’s teenagers, adults, senior adults and toddlers all in the mix.  It’s the way the church should be.  I’m not saying that the church should only get together to watch the game, or that it should be disorganized, but I think sometimes that the church (the body as a whole, it’s people, Christians) forgets that community is sometimes best unplanned.  We get frustrated that we can’t program community, but then the reminder comes, when you open your house to teenagers and the flood inside and fill every available seating area and then some, that community doesn’t come from a program or a plan, but from an open house and heart.

This is why I don’t mind the housefuls of teens that sometimes come over, or why it wasn’t a big deal that I only got an hour of free time to myself yesterday.  See, my job is to point them to Jesus and to foster community, and if nights like last night are what it takes, then so be it.

Second chances

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My dear friend Dwana gave me this painting a couple of weeks ago.  I knew immediately where I was going to hang it.

The classroom.  Which is right beside the kids bedroom.

I look at this every time we start school, I look at it when they are being rambunctious at bedtime.  I look at it when they are playing in the bathroom when they are supposed to be getting ready for bath/bed/church/school.

And I remember I need all of those things too.  I need grace, I need second chances, I need forgiveness, I need love especially when I’m doing loud really well.  And I almost always begin to sing a song by Carlos Whittaker.

Great Redeemer
We humbly respond
To the call of Your love
Gracious Father
Like a child we run
With our arms lifted up
So let the praises rise

You’re the God of second chances
You’re the God who still romances
We’re in awe before You now
And our hearts are bowing down
You’re the God of all the ages
Who are we that You would save us
We’re in awe before You now
And our hearts are crying out

Hallelujah to our God
Hallelujah to our God

Righteous Savior
By Your wounds we are healed
Your compassion draws us here
How amazing
Is the mercy of the Cross
That You would reach out for us
So let the praises rise

You rescue with unfailing love
Hallelujah to our God

Broken and Left Out

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When I was 12, I quit the church.

Rather, I felt like they had quit me, so I responded in kind.  I was in 6th grade, the stereotypical nerdy, chubby kid with too many words and not enough social skills.  I would go to school every day and listen to the taunts and jeers of my classmates, then go to church on Sunday mornings and hear the exact same things.  I was the class joke.  It made me hate church.  It made me disinterested with God.  By the time I was ready to transition into youth group, I was nearing the breaking point.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when a boy threw my Bible out of the second story window into the bushes below for no reason other than to laugh at me.

Snap.

I went home and tearfully begged my parents to not go to church anymore.  My reasoning was that the church was supposed to be a loving place, and if that was true, I should be treated differently than I was at school.  People should accept and love me there.  But, that was not the case.  And that is not always the case in many churches across our country.  A place that stands for truth, love, and grace can often become a place of lies, hatred, and gossip.  I see it all the time as a youth pastor.  People who are difficult to love get pushed to the side in favor of those who don’t take much effort to minister to, or old friends that we are comfortable with.  That’s wrong.  It’s sin.

Reese Roper, who was/is the lead singer of one of my favorite bands, Five Iron Frenzy, helped start a church in Denver, Colorado for people who felt left out and abused.  What did they name it?  Scum of the Earth.  I love that name.  Sure, many churches wouldn’t want a name like that, but their mission is right in the name!  They are there to reach those considered the scum of the earth.  The difficult.  The addict.  The dropout.  The “special”.  The outcast.  The orphan.  The very people that Jesus told us that he came for, the very people that God commanded his people over and over again to help in the Old Testament.  What we forget sometime is that we are all scum of the earth.  Because of our sin, Scripture tells us that are God’s enemies, the targets of His wrath, and separated from Him by our own wrongdoing.  We are not holy….we are filthy rags, unrighteous….scum.

I was talking with an older gentleman who works with our youth yesterday.  He’s become a mentor of sorts to me, and I was talking to him about my past, and he was shocked.  He told me he’d always assumed that I had grown up in church, that I was a good little church boy that had never had any doubts or problems, but that now he saw differently.  I was reminded in that conversation of why I do what I do, why I gravitate toward the broken and abused, and why when they walk through the door of our youth ministry I want so desperately for there to be no judgment for them.  Because they are broken, just like you and me, just like all of us.  And they need the same redemption that I was offered, that I have experienced in life, the same salvation that all people are freely given.

So, as scum of the earth, I reach out to fellow scum of the earth, knowing that we all have some kind of hurt, some kind of story to tell, and redemption waiting in the wings for each and every one.

Transparency

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We talk about a lot of things on this blog.

Ministry.  Parenthood.  Video games.  Bad haircuts.  Love.  In all of it, I have one goal, which is transparency.  If I’m going to run a blog about my daily life, where I share my opinions, tell stories, and expose my life to people, transparency is a necessity.  I struggle for it, and with it, each time I write something here.

I ask myself questions like, “How much is too much?”, and “Did I overshare?”.  The problem with transparency, to me, is that it is addictive.  When I come here and talk about something I’m dealing with, or tell a story about my family, the negative emotions associated with those things drift away.  Coming here helps me to process what i’m feeling and what is really going on beneath the surface of an issue.

A few months ago, one of the guys in my life that I really consider to be a mentor brought up this blog, and one of the first things he pointed out was the level of transparency that I’d been writing with.  Originally, I hadn’t noticed, and I’m being honest when I say that.  I was just writing whatever came into my head and out of my fingers as I typed.  But, as I tried to figure out what this blog would and wouldn’t be, telling stories about my own faults, failures, triumphs, and strengths just came naturally.  I was proud, then, that someone had noticed my transparency even when I hadn’t, because that meant that I was willing to share my life with people.

It’s risky to be transparent in our culture, especially in ministry, where a wrong step can see you crucified for something you’re still in process of figuring out.  That’s a risk I’m willing to take though, due to the fact that transparent people connect with their intended audience more.  Since I work daily with people, I want them to know that I’m approachable, that I’m friendly, and that I have faults too, just like them.  I never want to give off the impression that just because I’m called to ministry means I’m on top of some tall ivory tower and cannot be approached.

So, until something changes, I’ll continue to write about all my problems, my fears, my joys, my wins, my losses, and everything in between.  Because that’s what I want people to know about me: the whole story, nothing edited or censored.  Because, after all, don’t we all long for that?

For someone to really know us, as we truly are?

Good news In Our Community

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I can’t tell you how proud I am of our church.

Last night we saw 50 children show up for our yearly Midnite Madness event.  About half of them are connected with our church either as members or regular attenders to Pioneer Club, but that means that half of them had been invited.  That means our children are being good news in our community.  They believe the church is important and want their friends to be there.  This is huge!  I hope we adults appreciate this and encourage it!  That is how the gospel is spread, telling people as we go, being the good news!

We had about 15 youth both from our leadership team and extra who signed up to be helpers come to facilitate the event.  Our leadership team plans it from start to finish.  They get the activities together, they tell us what supplies we need, they are in charge of the show when the kids show up.  Marty and I and the other adults just step back to jump in if needed.  Then we asked the entire youth group, any that would like to help to stay and be trained, and they did a phenomenal job of interacting with and ministering to the children.  They played games, gave piggy back rides, sat with them during worship, ate dinner, and decorated cupcakes like champs.  We couldn’t have done it without them.  I am so proud to be blessed to work with these teenagers.

And last but not least, Ms. Kathy Davis and Ms. Marla Ernest were invaluable last night.  They are faithful to use the gifts God has given them whenever they can.  Ms. Kathy helped with our crafts and loved on some children with the best of them.  Marla helps us kick things into next gear.  She believes everything should be done with excellence and encourages us in that direction.   Without these 2 ladies I would have been lost last night.

Thank you parents for sending your children, you should be proud of them.  Thank you Reach 1 for continuing to surpass my expectations for you.  Thank you church for supporting us always.  We love you and thank you!  Let us all be good news in our community!

Accountable?

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All my life, I’ve need someone to tell me what to do.

From my earliest memories, I have always worked best from a list.  If you write down what I need to do, then I can usually look somewhat successful.  I’m constantly writing myself reminders and lists, leaving them where I can find them. I verbally process in lists, which greatly annoys my wife, as she feels like it’s me telling her what to do, which I”m not.  I just need to say it out loud.

Recently, I’ve noticed that this isn’t just true for my professional life, but it’s also true for my faith.  I’ve told the teenagers that I minister to many times that following Jesus isn’t just a list of rules or checkboxes that you must fill to be in standings with Him, but oh, how I wish it was.  I wish it was just something that I could go through each and every day, merrily checking boxes until I achieve the ultimate relationship with God.  But, that can’t happen.  What can happen, however, is that I can find someone that will get into my life and talk with me about the things that are going on there.  What I need is an accountability partner, which regretfully, I don’t have right now.

So, this week, I’m going to try and fix that.  I’m looking for an accountability partner.  I need someone who is going to walk with me through my highs and lows, through the best times and worst times.  I can’t be my family.  It can’t be my wife.  It can’t be a member of the opposite sex.  I need a man who will guide, teach, mentor, correct, and love me through all the stuff I think, say, and do each day.

Do you have an accountability partner?  If so, how did you find them?  And now that you have one, how do you maintain that relationship?

Reflecting on Wednesdays

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As I am sure it is in every small town, Bible Belt, southeastern youth ministry household, Wednesdays are rough (or the midweek service time -I’ve learned not everyone does it on Wednesday)  This mid week service is game day, what you’ve been preparing for all week, what the prayers have been focused on, what the extra candy has been bought for, what we’re hyped up for.  It’s the equivalent of the Pastor’s Sunday morning.

While yes, we’re fortunate that our children are in mother’s day out on most Wednesdays, I am spending that time doing laundry, dishes, cleaning, going over my own lesson for the night, getting ready for my afterschool job.  When I’m home from work it’s quickly getting ready and out the door to be there at 5 to help with the bus rider kids, set up my classroom, eat supper (Praise the Lord that we have meals at church on Wednesday nights, not just for the fellowship but the service it provides to our families!) get upstairs for Pioneer club worship, teach, and come back downstairs to stay with the kids whose parents are in the choir.

By the time we get home by 8:30-9:00, depending on what the choir is working on, I feel like we have fought a battle.  Before we stopped drinking soda, every Wednesday night we stopped for the Baptists’ only allowable vices, Rte. 44 Coke Zeros and a chicken strip sandwich from Sonic.   We were so drained, it felt as if our systems needed a little reward. Now, its a glass of water and a Reece’s peanut butter egg.

Maybe we have fought a battle.  I believe we have.  God is using us (by us I mean everyone who teaches, helps, interacts with the students who attend) to teach His truth.  Which often goes against everything else they are hearing.  Last night our lesson was from Job, he was praising God for making his body, which I totally don’t get because it appeared to Job’s friends that God had cursed him (covered in boils, whole family dead, riches gone)  But Job said, I know that God has made me and showed me kindness!  Kindness!  Can you believe it, in the midst of all that, he praised God for showing him kindness!  I was blown away.  The point we tried to get across though was that God made our bodies, He made them good, and that we thank him by taking care of them.   Since we know that His word never returns void, it always accomplishes His purposes,   I pray that someday, when one of the beautiful girls in our class is doubting that, she will remember that God made her.  He knit her together in her mother’s womb, He curdled her like milk (yep, Job really says that!) to make a wonderful cheese.  I pray the boys will know that God created them for a great purpose, to do His will.  Because His plans are good, to prosper us, not to harm us, to give us a future and a hope.

Lessons From a Dance Class

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Again I apologize for the lack of posting, but sleeping til 9, getting up to make breakfast, lounging in pjs and playing video games just took precedence.

A couple of months ago during fall break I got to take Annaliese to dance class.  Marty usually does that because I work every afternoon.  I was so excited because there was the promise of getting to see what Annaliese was learning; the fruits of her labor.  Jennifer was so gracious to let me watch even though she hadn’t really planned on it.

I took my seat and pulled out my phone, all eyes on my baby girl.  As I was watching I began to notice some things.  First of all my daughter has my rhythm, bless her heart, but secondly, there is a lot to be learned from dance class.

1.  If you take your eyes off the leader, you will mess up.  The girls did pretty good as long as their focus was on the right spot.  If it wandered to the wall, a spot on the floor, or the person beside them, they were going to mess up.  They might stumble, they might get behind, they might run into the person beside them.  In my life, if I take my eyes off what guides me, I will mess up, I will stumble, I will get behind, I might even hurt the person next to me.  That’s why we have to have a relationship with the leader as well.  Those girls trust Jennifer, they know she will not lead them down the wrong path.  It’s not about the rules, it’s about the trust they have in her.  Sometimes I wish my faith were a list of rules, but it’s not, it’s a relationship.  I have to trust that God and His word will not lead me down the wrong path.  I am a fallible person, I’m going to screw up.   Jesus said the most important things are to Love God with all our hearts and to love our neighbors as ourselves, that all of the law was summed up into those two things.  It’s not a list of rules, it’s relationship.  When we have the relationship, we’ll know what we’re supposed to do.  Just like Marty and I and the other parents encourage our girls to listen to Mrs. Jennifer and trust her, we have to do the same with others in our faith.  Encourage the relationship, make disciples.

2. You cannot focus on the faults of the person next to you.  Yep, that one hit home.  Annaliese did pretty good, but there was one girl next to her who was very concerned with what everyone else was doing.  Her eyes got off Mrs. Jennifer, and she ended up having to be corrected… a lot.  Now, I know that we are supposed to help those along the path with us, but sometimes we focus on their faults instead of what we’re supposed to be doing.  Just like this little girl, we get so concentrated on the others that we don’t see what we’re doing.

3.  Sometimes you have to freeze so you can refocus.  There were a couple of times that the girls just got too distracted and Jennifer would say, “Freeze.”  The ballerinas knew that this was a time to stop and refocus.  This was made clear to me last night, I came in from my first afternoon back to work, dropped off some kids, listened to their mother vent 15 minutes about life, picked up PePe’s pizza, and ate quickly so that Marty could get to Bible Study.  The kids wanted to play a game that involves me doing a lot of set up.  They began to argue about the pieces, whose turn it was, and were making the noises of the video game it’s based on…I wanted to scream!  So I put them in the bath, poured in some bubbles (thanks Mimi for the stocking stuffers!), shut the curtain and pulled out my Kindle.  I needed to freeze.  I needed the 20 minutes of letting my mind refocus and calm down.  I never understood that about my mom, but now I totally get it.  The noise and distraction had just gotten to be too much.

We’ve done a retreat twice with our youth ministry called Enjoy the Silence.  We go to a remote cabin, with no cell service, we don’t take video games or tvs or electronics and we have 2 days of silence.  Marty teaches, we have reflections, the youth worship through singing, art, prayer walks.  It is the best thing ever, and I always come back refreshed, refocused.  We need times of silence in our lives in order to refocus on the important things, and most importantly, not go insane!

4.  It’s good to come together for encouragement.  At the end of class the girls all come together and Jennifer gives them a sucker, gives them positive reinforcement, and they put their hands in and say, “1,2,3 Princess Snakes!”  Don’t ask, I don’t know where it came from.  But, Annaliese loves it!  She loves those girls, and she longs for Thursdays at 3:30.

When I was younger, I totally didn’t get the need for church involvement, I mean, I was involved!  My dad took me to Father/son work days at church because I was the oldest of 3 girls.  Seriously.  If the doors were open, the Foleys were there.   I totally get it now.  If I didn’t have my church family, I’d be lost.  I need that time together, I need encouragement, I need positive reinforcement (even if it hurts sometimes).  I need these people to be my family, my friends, my community.  That’s what we’re supposed to be. Now, I just think we need a really cool chant.

1,2,3 Baptist Buffaloes anyone?

Saying Goodbye

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In 9 and a half years of ministry in one church we’ve said goodbye a lot of times to a lot of people.  And that’s a hard thing to do, whatever the situation.  When you’ve poured yourself into people, loved them, called them family, anytime they’re no longer with you it’s hard.

Sometimes people leave for good reasons, situations that bring joy along with the sadness. Every time a group leaves for college, a piece of me mourns for them as I am rejoicing that they are following God’s plan for their life.  We’ve had 2 families leave because God has called them into ministry, celebrating mixed in with the sadness.  We’ve had people leave to join our Father in their eternal home, unbearable loss it feels but also ultimate joy that they are with their creator and there is no more pain, cancer, age, sickness, sadness……

Sometimes people leave because they get mad, hurt, frustrated, scared, and the list goes on.  I’m not gonna lie and say that I haven’t been all those things.

We sing a song at our church, I’m so glad I’m a part of the family of God.  And yes, we’re singing about being in the universal family of God, we’re also singing about being in the local body God has placed us in.  The family of God.

We don’t abandon our family when the going gets tough.  We pull together and fight for our family.  You don’t get a divorce over burnt toast or the color of the carpet, you talk it out and let the Lord bring you together in unity.

When a family member leaves because God told them to, there is sadness, but God fills that emptiness.  When they leave and there is emptiness that’s not filled, it feels like a divorce.  You know that feeling when you see somebody in town and you’re not sure if you should talk to them or not so you just try to avoid eye contact, you drive by their house and cry. Yeah, these things should not happen in the family of God.

So what do we do?  We try to work it out, with God in the lead.  We follow the example of scripture.  If it’s sin, we go to them and confront them, pray with them, encourage them on the right path and hope that they will turn back to God.  If it is a disagreement, then go to that person, speak to them in love, they may not realize they’ve done anything wrong.  Give them a chance to apologize and make amends.  If they do, then we have to forgive them.  Do you know scripture says that our own sins will not be forgiven? (Mk 11:25, Matt. 6:14-15)  I don’t know about you but I need my sins forgiven!  Jesus also said we forgive them 70 x 7 times, which is basically saying infinitely.   How many times do we forgive our children? our spouses? our parents? siblings?  Should the same not be with our church families?

I’m not perfect, I’m gonna screw up, I need grace.  I’m part of a family that’s not perfect, that’s gonna screw up, that needs grace.  And I bet the same could be said for each one of you.

Let’s be faithful to our families.  To bear with, to forgive, to forget, to encourage one another for righteousness sake, to be unified with.  It’s never going to get better unless we work together.  And I’m pointing all 5 fingers at myself.  I’m guilty.

And I’m not even going to get into leaving the church because another one is better.  That’s just wrong.  It’s not a competition, we should be working together to bring those who don’t know Christ into the body, not competing to get saints to switch sides.  And I am speaking to myself here, I have such a competitive nature, I want to be the best, doing the most, and attracting everyone.  And I’m wrong in that.  Will you forgive me?