Author Archives: Erin Estes

About Erin Estes

Erin is the wife of Marty, mother of Isaac and Annaliese, and 1000+ other positions throughout her life.

Sunday Quote

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“And, insomuch as we know that, by His divine law, nations like individuals are subjected to punishments and chastisements in this world, may we not justly fear that the awful calamity of civil war, which now desolates the land, may be but a punishment, inflicted upon us, for our presumptuous sins, to the needful end of our national reformation as a whole People? We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven. We have been preserved, these many years, in peace and prosperity. We have grown in numbers, wealth and power, as no other nation has ever grown. But we have forgotten God. We have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace, and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us; and we have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own. Intoxicated with unbroken success, we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us!”

 

 

 

~ Abraham Lincoln on instituting the first National Day of Prayer and Fasting


Reflecting on Wednesdays

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As I am sure it is in every small town, Bible Belt, southeastern youth ministry household, Wednesdays are rough (or the midweek service time -I’ve learned not everyone does it on Wednesday)  This mid week service is game day, what you’ve been preparing for all week, what the prayers have been focused on, what the extra candy has been bought for, what we’re hyped up for.  It’s the equivalent of the Pastor’s Sunday morning.

While yes, we’re fortunate that our children are in mother’s day out on most Wednesdays, I am spending that time doing laundry, dishes, cleaning, going over my own lesson for the night, getting ready for my afterschool job.  When I’m home from work it’s quickly getting ready and out the door to be there at 5 to help with the bus rider kids, set up my classroom, eat supper (Praise the Lord that we have meals at church on Wednesday nights, not just for the fellowship but the service it provides to our families!) get upstairs for Pioneer club worship, teach, and come back downstairs to stay with the kids whose parents are in the choir.

By the time we get home by 8:30-9:00, depending on what the choir is working on, I feel like we have fought a battle.  Before we stopped drinking soda, every Wednesday night we stopped for the Baptists’ only allowable vices, Rte. 44 Coke Zeros and a chicken strip sandwich from Sonic.   We were so drained, it felt as if our systems needed a little reward. Now, its a glass of water and a Reece’s peanut butter egg.

Maybe we have fought a battle.  I believe we have.  God is using us (by us I mean everyone who teaches, helps, interacts with the students who attend) to teach His truth.  Which often goes against everything else they are hearing.  Last night our lesson was from Job, he was praising God for making his body, which I totally don’t get because it appeared to Job’s friends that God had cursed him (covered in boils, whole family dead, riches gone)  But Job said, I know that God has made me and showed me kindness!  Kindness!  Can you believe it, in the midst of all that, he praised God for showing him kindness!  I was blown away.  The point we tried to get across though was that God made our bodies, He made them good, and that we thank him by taking care of them.   Since we know that His word never returns void, it always accomplishes His purposes,   I pray that someday, when one of the beautiful girls in our class is doubting that, she will remember that God made her.  He knit her together in her mother’s womb, He curdled her like milk (yep, Job really says that!) to make a wonderful cheese.  I pray the boys will know that God created them for a great purpose, to do His will.  Because His plans are good, to prosper us, not to harm us, to give us a future and a hope.

Marty suggested this post

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It’s 11:20 p.m Monday night and we are leaving the house at 7:45 in the morning to take a young lady to the bus stop in Jackson.  Marty asked if I had my blog post ready, I was in the middle of sewing the quilt that I’ve been working on for 40 forevers, ok, 3 months, and I couldn’t think of anything.  I asked that he make suggestions, thinking he would suggest my views on postmodern theology, social welfare, or if generic diapers really are as good as name brand (the answer to that is, depends on the store, walmart bad, kroger good), things that I’m an expert on, you know (ha,ha).  Instead he said, the reasons you love me, to which I almost spit out my decaf coffee, then he said do a 2 part series about the 5 things you love/hate about being a pastor’s wife.  I chose the lesser of 2 evils.

Living with Marty Estes has never been easy, which quite honestly I’ve probably been too vocal about.  I don’t know what I expected, but often times this hasn’t been it.  We probably should have waited 6 months to get married, given him 6 months in the ministry to figure it out instead of jumping into 2 things at the same time.  But I think if we’d waited, he wouldn’t be in ministry.  He would have gone on to get his master’s in education and he’d be teaching.  Which he would have been excellent at, but not called to.  And that is one of the things I love about Marty, his calling.  I love youth ministry.  I love that lives change and God allows me to be a part of it.  I love that Marty is passionate about it, I love that he has never stopped learning or trying to be better at what he’s called to do.  I know that God has called him to this or 9 years ago we’d have been out.  I love him for persevering.  I love that he desires to see students’ lives change through a relationship with Christ.  I love that his philosophy is not “Let’s give them a little Jesus along with our fun, but let’s be on mission for Christ and have fun while we’re doing it.”

Marty’s been called a lot of things in 9.5 years.  Some good, some bad, some true, some not.  One thing I will always call him is a great daddy.  He loves spending time with our kids.  That’s part of the reason we felt God was telling us to homeschool.  We know that ministry is tough on kids, we have games to attend, Bible studies to have, programs to plan, camps to organize, and Sundays are definitely not family days, a lot of that is done during times our kids would be home from school and our attention would be devoted elsewhere.  Marty loves to get in the floor and have the Rescue-bots help to rebuild the Sawmeal so we can return for our pizza sticks and chicken fingers!  And he executes much better “My Little Pony” story lines than I could, he knows all their names, whereas a lot of time I just throw together to cutesy sounding words and hope they work!  He wasn’t so sure about having a child, let alone two!  But I don’t think he’d trade it now for anything.

Yes, he gets on my nerves when we’ve spent too much time together, of course there are things I say I would change, but he truly is my best friend.  He’s the one I call when I’m upset, he’s the one I run to when I’m scared, he’s the one I scream at when I’m frustrated (it’s not always about him), he’s the one who is always thinking of me. I remember my dad saying when we were just starting out, that I sure must like him because he made me laugh like nobody else.  And he still does.

I love you, Marty.

(I bet you didn’t think I’d do it!)

Lessons From a Dance Class

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Again I apologize for the lack of posting, but sleeping til 9, getting up to make breakfast, lounging in pjs and playing video games just took precedence.

A couple of months ago during fall break I got to take Annaliese to dance class.  Marty usually does that because I work every afternoon.  I was so excited because there was the promise of getting to see what Annaliese was learning; the fruits of her labor.  Jennifer was so gracious to let me watch even though she hadn’t really planned on it.

I took my seat and pulled out my phone, all eyes on my baby girl.  As I was watching I began to notice some things.  First of all my daughter has my rhythm, bless her heart, but secondly, there is a lot to be learned from dance class.

1.  If you take your eyes off the leader, you will mess up.  The girls did pretty good as long as their focus was on the right spot.  If it wandered to the wall, a spot on the floor, or the person beside them, they were going to mess up.  They might stumble, they might get behind, they might run into the person beside them.  In my life, if I take my eyes off what guides me, I will mess up, I will stumble, I will get behind, I might even hurt the person next to me.  That’s why we have to have a relationship with the leader as well.  Those girls trust Jennifer, they know she will not lead them down the wrong path.  It’s not about the rules, it’s about the trust they have in her.  Sometimes I wish my faith were a list of rules, but it’s not, it’s a relationship.  I have to trust that God and His word will not lead me down the wrong path.  I am a fallible person, I’m going to screw up.   Jesus said the most important things are to Love God with all our hearts and to love our neighbors as ourselves, that all of the law was summed up into those two things.  It’s not a list of rules, it’s relationship.  When we have the relationship, we’ll know what we’re supposed to do.  Just like Marty and I and the other parents encourage our girls to listen to Mrs. Jennifer and trust her, we have to do the same with others in our faith.  Encourage the relationship, make disciples.

2. You cannot focus on the faults of the person next to you.  Yep, that one hit home.  Annaliese did pretty good, but there was one girl next to her who was very concerned with what everyone else was doing.  Her eyes got off Mrs. Jennifer, and she ended up having to be corrected… a lot.  Now, I know that we are supposed to help those along the path with us, but sometimes we focus on their faults instead of what we’re supposed to be doing.  Just like this little girl, we get so concentrated on the others that we don’t see what we’re doing.

3.  Sometimes you have to freeze so you can refocus.  There were a couple of times that the girls just got too distracted and Jennifer would say, “Freeze.”  The ballerinas knew that this was a time to stop and refocus.  This was made clear to me last night, I came in from my first afternoon back to work, dropped off some kids, listened to their mother vent 15 minutes about life, picked up PePe’s pizza, and ate quickly so that Marty could get to Bible Study.  The kids wanted to play a game that involves me doing a lot of set up.  They began to argue about the pieces, whose turn it was, and were making the noises of the video game it’s based on…I wanted to scream!  So I put them in the bath, poured in some bubbles (thanks Mimi for the stocking stuffers!), shut the curtain and pulled out my Kindle.  I needed to freeze.  I needed the 20 minutes of letting my mind refocus and calm down.  I never understood that about my mom, but now I totally get it.  The noise and distraction had just gotten to be too much.

We’ve done a retreat twice with our youth ministry called Enjoy the Silence.  We go to a remote cabin, with no cell service, we don’t take video games or tvs or electronics and we have 2 days of silence.  Marty teaches, we have reflections, the youth worship through singing, art, prayer walks.  It is the best thing ever, and I always come back refreshed, refocused.  We need times of silence in our lives in order to refocus on the important things, and most importantly, not go insane!

4.  It’s good to come together for encouragement.  At the end of class the girls all come together and Jennifer gives them a sucker, gives them positive reinforcement, and they put their hands in and say, “1,2,3 Princess Snakes!”  Don’t ask, I don’t know where it came from.  But, Annaliese loves it!  She loves those girls, and she longs for Thursdays at 3:30.

When I was younger, I totally didn’t get the need for church involvement, I mean, I was involved!  My dad took me to Father/son work days at church because I was the oldest of 3 girls.  Seriously.  If the doors were open, the Foleys were there.   I totally get it now.  If I didn’t have my church family, I’d be lost.  I need that time together, I need encouragement, I need positive reinforcement (even if it hurts sometimes).  I need these people to be my family, my friends, my community.  That’s what we’re supposed to be. Now, I just think we need a really cool chant.

1,2,3 Baptist Buffaloes anyone?

Plastic gifts

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I’m done with Christmas shopping, for the most part anyway.  Marty got his present in October.  (Thank you apple for always introducing a new phone/gadget/idevice) The kids were done in pretty much one fell swoop.  My parents and siblings are not doing gifts, (praise the Lord!)  David and Marylin, Marty’s parents have been bought for, the kids friends also down in one fell swoop (you’re all getting the same thing!)  I do have to buy for our Sunday School party but I have an idea for that.

I love Christmas, I love the lights, the music, the food, the smells, the attitude of cheer and goodwill.  I love the cold weather and the hopes of a white Christmas.  (Isaac was convinced that it was Christmas the other day when it snowed, “we should open presents mom!”) I love the Christmas specials, Charlie Brown, Frosty, the one with the heat miser, Rudolph, ELF, It’s a wonderful life. I love the message of hope, in the baby born to live a perfect life, show us the right path, and die so that we may live.

But, I hate the gifts.  I know, I know, I’m a spoilsport.  I just hate shopping, trying to find something they will like, seeing the disappointment if they don’t.  I hate the idea of a list, and this is what we must have to have a good Christmas.  I’m not a gifts person.  I don’t need stuff.  We do Santa.  I don’t have a problem with the guy in red, I have a problem with the fact that he takes the place (and the characteristics) of Jesus for the month of December for a lot of people.  I never felt lied to growing up, I don’t have trouble believing in God because I found out my parents were Santa.  And, I totally respect you if you don’t do Santa.  It takes all kinds.

It’s something we talked about, still talk about at our house.  Santa, gifts, the meaning of Christmas.

At our house, Christmas was a big deal, we didn’t get a lot of toys except Christmas and birthdays, and then what we got was limited.  One big Santa gift, and a few things from our parents-usually there were some clothes thrown in there.  And of course I think that’s how things should be done, because that’s my experience.  Marty was raised completely different.  He got toys all the time and Christmas was just that times 10 (I’m totally going by the way he describes it, I don’t really know).  It’s been a struggle.

Last year with our kids, they got 3 gifts plus a stocking.  I really liked that.  They get way more from grandparents than from us, plus aunts and uncle, plus friends, plus goodie bags, teacher gifts…..and the list goes on.  And they are at the age that every gift is of equal value: the pencil in their goodie bag is equal to the Santa present.  But, it’s just too much.

I struggle with the fact that we are the richest country in the world.  That because I have food, clothes, a home to sleep in, and running water I am among the richest 8% in the world.  And my daughter is getting $50 worth of plastic ponies. My husband has every iDevice out. My son has more Mario’s that we can count.  I can watch pretty much any movie I want any time I want with Netflix and cable tv.  We give, we tithe, we make donations to world hunger, we give to Lottie Moon Christmas offering, we bought gifts for the angel tree and made shoe boxes of Operation Christmas Child.  We live pretty frugally, I buy my clothes at goodwill (only on the first saturday of the month), we try to only eat out once a week, I shop with coupons.  But my daughter has a full belly and a room full of ponies and there are children in Romania who are digging in the trash, babies in China who need parents, and kids in America who won’t eat this Christmas because there’s no school open to feed them.  I need to remember that what I claim is mine, isn’t really.

So back to gifts, I think next year, I want to only buy gifts that do good.  Gifts that when you buy them they allow teenage girls in Romania to go to high school and give them a reason not to have a baby at 15.  Gifts that provide an income for men and women rescued from the sex trade. Gifts that support a local business in your hometown. Gifts that feed hungry mouths in Africa for a month.

What’s going to last, a life or a plastic pony?

If you’re still shopping check out:

http://beliefinmotion.org/Cherechiu.aspx  - these are the missionaries in Romania that our church partnered with in 2010 and Lacey Hampton (one of our college students) spent a month with last summer.

http://hello-somebody.com/

http://www.worldcraftsvillage.com/

https://secure1.heifer.org/gift-catalog

http://freesetglobal.com/
(we’ve bought these bags before for our graduating seniors – love them!)

 

Saying Goodbye

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In 9 and a half years of ministry in one church we’ve said goodbye a lot of times to a lot of people.  And that’s a hard thing to do, whatever the situation.  When you’ve poured yourself into people, loved them, called them family, anytime they’re no longer with you it’s hard.

Sometimes people leave for good reasons, situations that bring joy along with the sadness. Every time a group leaves for college, a piece of me mourns for them as I am rejoicing that they are following God’s plan for their life.  We’ve had 2 families leave because God has called them into ministry, celebrating mixed in with the sadness.  We’ve had people leave to join our Father in their eternal home, unbearable loss it feels but also ultimate joy that they are with their creator and there is no more pain, cancer, age, sickness, sadness……

Sometimes people leave because they get mad, hurt, frustrated, scared, and the list goes on.  I’m not gonna lie and say that I haven’t been all those things.

We sing a song at our church, I’m so glad I’m a part of the family of God.  And yes, we’re singing about being in the universal family of God, we’re also singing about being in the local body God has placed us in.  The family of God.

We don’t abandon our family when the going gets tough.  We pull together and fight for our family.  You don’t get a divorce over burnt toast or the color of the carpet, you talk it out and let the Lord bring you together in unity.

When a family member leaves because God told them to, there is sadness, but God fills that emptiness.  When they leave and there is emptiness that’s not filled, it feels like a divorce.  You know that feeling when you see somebody in town and you’re not sure if you should talk to them or not so you just try to avoid eye contact, you drive by their house and cry. Yeah, these things should not happen in the family of God.

So what do we do?  We try to work it out, with God in the lead.  We follow the example of scripture.  If it’s sin, we go to them and confront them, pray with them, encourage them on the right path and hope that they will turn back to God.  If it is a disagreement, then go to that person, speak to them in love, they may not realize they’ve done anything wrong.  Give them a chance to apologize and make amends.  If they do, then we have to forgive them.  Do you know scripture says that our own sins will not be forgiven? (Mk 11:25, Matt. 6:14-15)  I don’t know about you but I need my sins forgiven!  Jesus also said we forgive them 70 x 7 times, which is basically saying infinitely.   How many times do we forgive our children? our spouses? our parents? siblings?  Should the same not be with our church families?

I’m not perfect, I’m gonna screw up, I need grace.  I’m part of a family that’s not perfect, that’s gonna screw up, that needs grace.  And I bet the same could be said for each one of you.

Let’s be faithful to our families.  To bear with, to forgive, to forget, to encourage one another for righteousness sake, to be unified with.  It’s never going to get better unless we work together.  And I’m pointing all 5 fingers at myself.  I’m guilty.

And I’m not even going to get into leaving the church because another one is better.  That’s just wrong.  It’s not a competition, we should be working together to bring those who don’t know Christ into the body, not competing to get saints to switch sides.  And I am speaking to myself here, I have such a competitive nature, I want to be the best, doing the most, and attracting everyone.  And I’m wrong in that.  Will you forgive me?

Simmering

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I know, I know, it’s my day and I’m an hour and a half late.

I honestly had no clue what I was going to write about.

Then something happened last night, and it stirred emotions in me.

Emotions that quite frankly I can’t put into words right now.

I went to bed with my feelings last night because I don’t know what to do.

I don’t want to make the situation worse, but I don’t know what better is.

I’m going to ruminate a little more and I’m sure you’ll see a post later, possibly even later today.

The word “No”

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I hate the word “no”.  Who doesn’t?  I hate hearing it, I hate having to say it 20 million times a day.  I hate that it means I can’t do what I want to do when I want to do it.  But I’ve heard it a lot, from my parents, from Marty, from my kids, my church, my friends, and my God and it hurts my pride when I hear it.

But deep down I know it’s good for me.

I know that often, no means yes.  No to what is good, yes to what is best.  No to what is momentarily important, yes to the future.

If everything had been a yes that I’d prayed for my life would have been so different.  I would have been married to specifically 2 different people that I know now would have been totally wrong for me.  I don’t even like to think about that road, but I was so sure that was what was best.  I wouldn’t have married a man who still makes me laugh, that I don’t want to go anywhere without.   I wouldn’t have my 2 amazing children, who are patiently waiting for me to finish so we can have “B” day and do a worksheet.  Oh, they are my children.

Starting out, Marty and I interviewed at FBC Medina, and they rejected us, hard.  10 years later, I still feel the pangs.  But we wouldn’t be here, we  wouldn’t have seen God use us in amazing ways.  Mission trips, Frontline, Romania, 10 youth surrendered to ministry, we would have seen none of that.  None.  We have traded the good for the best.

There have been times I’ve prayed to leave this church, I know I’m probably not supposed to admit that, but ministry is hard.  It’s frustrating, not everyone is nice to you all the time.  But if we’d gone, we wouldn’t have seen the 5 youth join the church in the past month.

We went to see a gospel band Sunday night, The Red Roots.  Not my cuppa normally, but very talented teenage triplets.  They had a song called “What if God says No” which sparked this whole post.  It made me think.  It made me remember the scene in Bruce Almighty when he said, “yes” to everyone and the chaos it caused.  Anyway the lyrics have been stuck in my head, so I leave you with the chorus.

What if God says no
It don’t mean He loves us less
It just means He knows what’s best
What if God says no
It’s enough we have His grace
So don’t let go of your faith
What if God says no

Sorry for the errors

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Marty is out of town at the Extended Adolescence Symposium.  If he were here he would have added a fancy link over those words, I’m sure I could figure out how to do it but I won’t.  I apologize in advance for any hanging participles or prepositional run ons or comma splices, he fixes all that for me.  Such a good husband!

He questions how I made it through college, Social Work was my major, not English, we were way more concerned about doing rather than writing.

I had an English teacher in high school, I won’t name names, who was also the cheerleading coach, who let us play cards every day.  I had her for 2 years.  We were the Advanced Placement class I guess she thought that since we were “gifted” that we didn’t need grammar help.  Well, this girl did.  She was busy a lot with cheerleading, and she would give us a journaling assignment every morning and then do other things, so we were left to our own devices.

You put 12 intelligent kids in a room, and leave them alone, we’re gonna get pretty lazy, because, you see, we already knew it all.  And we got really good at Spades.

I also had another teacher, the football coach, and now the principal of my alma mater, who would give us our worksheets and tell us to get into groups to do the work.  It was always 2 worksheets front and back.  I would always pair up with 3 others who made A’s, each of us would take a side, then share our answers, I think it’s called cooperative learning, right?  I can tell you very little about Chemistry but I had an A in the class.

My senior year I had to take Marketing so that I could leave at 1:30 every day and go to work.  I’d already had Accounting and Economics so this was really just a repeat.  Every week on Monday he would give us our assignment for the week.  Of course I would finish the work on Monday, on Friday we had a test, that’s all we had on Friday.  That also left 3 days to read/sleep/do assignments for other classes, mainly sleep, it was senior year after all.

Not that I’m an idiot now because of these teachers, but looking back I wish I’d learned more.  I wish I’d been pushed a little.  When I got to college, I was stretched in ways I could have never imagined, and I didn’t know what to do.  Everything was o.k. in elementary and high school because I liked to learn and had natural abilities to repeat back what had been given to me. Everyone was happy with my A’s though, and the fact that I appeared to be learning.  But college was way different. I had no clue how to really study, everything had always been easy, I thought Union would be the same.  It wasn’t. I certainly couldn’t obtain a tutor, that might make me look dumb!  I was quickly humbled, lost my academic scholarships, had to move home for a year, felt like a big loser.

But that spurred me on,  I needed that challenge.  A year later I had my scholarships back, instead of pulling C’s I was making A’s, I was able to rent an apartment with some friends.

We all want a challenge.  So challenge someone today, hold them accountable, spur them on to be the best they can be.  I know I will.